Why the title?
So what does "Confessions of a Modern-Day Aaron" mean? No, I'm not setting myself up as High Priestess of some new cult. Don't be blasphemous.
No, it just occurs to me that Aaron, as I said in the sidebar, was a flawed, sinful human, who nonetheless had one of the hardest jobs in the WORLD. He was the High Priest, for heaven's sake: the Chief Designated Representative Between God And The Israelites. And yet...God never really talked to him. Oh sure, God let him know what was what, through to his younger brother, Moses (and isn't THAT some sorta sibling rivalry for ya), but God never just made things real clear to him like He did for Moses, Elijah, and the other prophets. Yep, the fire pillar and smoke and stuff was real impressive, but I have to wonder just how many times Aaron thought, "You know...we've only got MOSES' word for it that these things are gonna take us to some nifty new place...wish I knew where we were going..."
And that's how I feel a lot of the time. I go where God tells me to go, and I'm willing (if not always happy) to serve Him where he puts me, but I don't usually find out that's where He wants me until after the fact. I want to hear His voice...I really do. I know all about the Still, Small Voice. Unfortunately, though, the thoughts constantly whirling in my head are much louder. Every time I even try to calm my thoughts and just listen, I wind up catching myself wondering exactly how one knows if God is talking to one, anyway, and exactly what does it sound like, and hey here's a really nice hymn and Thy Strong Word didst cleave the darkness / at Thy speaking it was done...
Don't tell me "practice, practice, practice", either - I've been practicing for thirty-nine and a half years. If I haven't gotten it by NOW, chances are I'm going to just have to live with the fact that if God's speaking to me, He's doing it through hymns and I'm just too dense to get what He's getting at. (No comments from the Peanut Gallery re: God's Word piercing the darkness of my brain, thank you very much.)
*sigh*
So, that's pretty much it. I'm relying on other people telling me what God tells THEM - mostly people like Paul, Peter, and the Apostles, through God's Word; and people like Dr. Luther, through the Lutheran Confessions. But I also talk to other Christians, and often they'll have good advice or words of wisdom that just seem to go straight to the heart of whatever I'm struggling with right then. And I've often wondered...how did they know? I hear people say, "God spoke to my heart" or "God told me..." and i wonder, "HOW? What does that feel / sound like? How do you know it's HIM instead of your own mind, your own wishes, your own desires?"
And then I wonder if this is how Aaron felt.
Thy Strong Word didst cleave the darkness
At Thy speaking it was done.
For Created light we thank Thee
While Thine ordered seasons run.
Alleluia! Alleluia!
Praise to Thee who light dost send!
Alleluia! Alleluia!
Alleluia without end!
No, it just occurs to me that Aaron, as I said in the sidebar, was a flawed, sinful human, who nonetheless had one of the hardest jobs in the WORLD. He was the High Priest, for heaven's sake: the Chief Designated Representative Between God And The Israelites. And yet...God never really talked to him. Oh sure, God let him know what was what, through to his younger brother, Moses (and isn't THAT some sorta sibling rivalry for ya), but God never just made things real clear to him like He did for Moses, Elijah, and the other prophets. Yep, the fire pillar and smoke and stuff was real impressive, but I have to wonder just how many times Aaron thought, "You know...we've only got MOSES' word for it that these things are gonna take us to some nifty new place...wish I knew where we were going..."
And that's how I feel a lot of the time. I go where God tells me to go, and I'm willing (if not always happy) to serve Him where he puts me, but I don't usually find out that's where He wants me until after the fact. I want to hear His voice...I really do. I know all about the Still, Small Voice. Unfortunately, though, the thoughts constantly whirling in my head are much louder. Every time I even try to calm my thoughts and just listen, I wind up catching myself wondering exactly how one knows if God is talking to one, anyway, and exactly what does it sound like, and hey here's a really nice hymn and Thy Strong Word didst cleave the darkness / at Thy speaking it was done...
Don't tell me "practice, practice, practice", either - I've been practicing for thirty-nine and a half years. If I haven't gotten it by NOW, chances are I'm going to just have to live with the fact that if God's speaking to me, He's doing it through hymns and I'm just too dense to get what He's getting at. (No comments from the Peanut Gallery re: God's Word piercing the darkness of my brain, thank you very much.)
*sigh*
So, that's pretty much it. I'm relying on other people telling me what God tells THEM - mostly people like Paul, Peter, and the Apostles, through God's Word; and people like Dr. Luther, through the Lutheran Confessions. But I also talk to other Christians, and often they'll have good advice or words of wisdom that just seem to go straight to the heart of whatever I'm struggling with right then. And I've often wondered...how did they know? I hear people say, "God spoke to my heart" or "God told me..." and i wonder, "HOW? What does that feel / sound like? How do you know it's HIM instead of your own mind, your own wishes, your own desires?"
And then I wonder if this is how Aaron felt.
Thy Strong Word didst cleave the darkness
At Thy speaking it was done.
For Created light we thank Thee
While Thine ordered seasons run.
Alleluia! Alleluia!
Praise to Thee who light dost send!
Alleluia! Alleluia!
Alleluia without end!
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