people keep telling me I’m “so strong”. I sure don’t feel it.
I’m angry, I’m unhappy, I’m hurting, and I feel fragile enough to shatter. I’m not strong. I’m not who you think I am. And I won’t live in the shadow of expectations anymore,
Nothing is quite like a deathwatch. Simultaneously praying for it to end, and hoping for yet a little more time. Not wanting to be there, and yet it is the last -- indeed, the only -- thing i can do. And so i wait, and watch. Waiting for the end. Watching for rhe next breath. Hoping it doesnt come. Praying for his pain and trial to end. For this stage of mine to end, and the next stage to begin. And so i wait. And i watch. The last service i can do. And so I wait. And I watch. And i pray for it to end.
Huh. I just read this bit from the TV Tropes website, about the book of Job: The lesson of the book was supposed to be to not treat God and religion as something formulaic, like Job and his friends had been doing - that they need to understand, not just blindly follow...The end of the book reveals that the entire thing was a big test to make Job see that questioning God and his actions IS okay, because he was only human. It didn't help that his wife and friends either wanted him to think it was his fault somehow, or straight out be blasphemous. God yelled at him for being stubborn at the end of it, but for being so faithful, gave him TWICE what he started with. Actually, surprisingly, the one that got off the easiest was the youngest of them, because, ironically, he was the wisest out of the four. Huh. That makes way, way WAY more sense than "God was testing Job" for...um...what reason again? Seriously, the "standard" interpretation that God allowed Job to b...
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