Responsibility

I'm tired. I'm tired of being responsible, I'm tired of trying to take consolation in the fact that "at least I'm helping someone and being useful somewhere - at least there's some good coming out of this sucky long-distance thing." Not that I don't like being helpful and helping out Tina and Tony. I do! But....I'm tired of MY family life being put on hold. I'm tired of not seeing MY family every night. I'm tired of planning for moving. I'm tired of thinking that the house will need THOUSANDS of dollars of fixes just to get it in "sellable" condition. I'm tired of thinking of the sucky housing market. I'm tired of all the STUFF that goes with trying to sell your house and move - and we haven't even really started to even PACK yet.
I'm tired. I'm sick of this stupid job situation. I'm glad I have a job, especially in "today's economy", but for the love of little green apples I see a LOT of jobs listed I could do...I'm tired of not hearing back from ANYONE about these jobs I've applied for.

I'm tired, I'm depressed and I'm damn discouraged.

God, why is it so wrong to have a job BACK HOME and not move?
The best I can come up with is that it's not necessarily WRONG, but it might not be "RIGHT", either. And that's what else I'm tired of. "Maybe? Maybe, Might, possibly, PERHAPS???" I'm tired of not knowing what to do, I'm tired of the situation as it sits and I'm sick to death of Indianapolis.

I want to go home. I want to see MY family every night. I don't want to have to get up every Monday morning after yet another darn-near sleepless Sunday night and saying "bye, sweetie, see you at the end of the week." I want to have a SHORT drive to work, not a 3 hour drive to work. I want...I want to have a job back home.

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